A Ride of Meh

So I was going to do a video blog of my journey with mental illness. The original idea was to record a new video every two weeks, but we’re two and a half months into the year and I’ve only posted two videos total (on YouTube).

I recorded a video last week, but was unable to post it because apparently it has to be under 15 minutes to upload from my phone, and the video I tried to post was 23. It was about my PTSD, so I haven’t been too thrilled about revisiting it to redo the video, but I guess I’ll get around to it soon.

I’m just plugging along, you know, living life with depression and anxiety. It’s a lot better than it was the last few months of last year, but it’s still not too peachy. The sertraline keeps me from experiencing panic attacks or extreme anxiety, which is nice, you know: I’m a huge fan of being able to breathe and all. But it hasn’t really helped with the depression as much as I would have liked. I still feel pretty wretched sometimes, for no particular reason that I can discern. Moreover, while I began taking sertraline to help with my PTSD and its symptoms, such as limited emotional range, I now experience even LESS emotional flexibility. I’ve had experiences since the beginning of the year that should have gotten me riled up, but instead I usually respond with a feeling of slight annoyance, at best. “Meh,” is the most common reaction. Lots and lots of Meh.

I just started a full time job, which is neat. Guess the days of hermitage are over for now.

I’m easily exhausted. I mean, I’m always tired: I’m basically the human equivalent of a sloth. But I get socially exhausted, too. After work, I can’t bear to do more than one or two social things in a day, and even that is stretching it. Let me go home to my hermit hole, my good fellows!

In February I made myself a list of things that I wanted to do, which included exercising more frequently. As you can probably suspect, I rarely muster the gumption to get out there, although running does make me feel much better.

All right. There are a few other things that I’ve realized about my life lately that are peculiar and have been the object of much contemplation, but I’ll save that for another day. Ciao.



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